SubscribeFrom time to time, one of my aunts sends me inspirational or sentimental emails. Normally I read them, smile, and file them away. I received an email from her today, though, that I felt like sharing. Take it for what you will, maybe it will mean something to someone.
I took it to reinforce my belief that you should never wait to show someone what they mean to you. It shouldn’t take a special occasion to tell someone what you feel.
Enjoy.
After 21 years of Marriage, my Wife wanted me to take another Woman
out to Dinner and a Movie.She said I Love You but I know this other Woman loves you and would Love
to spend some Time with You.The other Woman that my Wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER,
who has been a Widow for 19 years,
but the demands of my Work and my three Children had made it possible
to visit her only occasionally.That night I called to Invite her to go out for Dinner and a Movie.
‘What’s wrong, are you well,’ she asked?My Mother is the type of Woman who suspects that
a Late Night Call or a Surprise Invitation is a sign of Bad News.
‘I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you,’
I responded.
‘Just the two of us.’She thought about it for a moment, and then said,
‘I would like that very much.’
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit Nervous.
When I arrived at her House, I noticed that she too seemed to be Nervous
about our Date.She waited in the Door with her Coat on.
She had Curled her Hair and was wearing the Dress that she had worn to
Celebrate her last Wedding Anniversary.She smiled from a face that was as Radiant as an Angel’s.
‘I told my Friends that I was going to go out with My Son, and they were impressed, ‘She said, as she got into the Car.
‘They can’t wait to hear about our meeting’.We went to a Restaurant that, although not Elegant, was very Nice and Cozy.
My Mother took my Arm as if She were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the Menu. Large Print.
Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting
there staring at me.
A Nostalgic Smile was on her Lips.
‘It was I who used to have to Read the Menu when you were Small,’She said.
‘Then it’s Time that you Relax and let me Return the Favor,’I responded.
During the Dinner, we had an Agreeable Conversation, nothing
Extra-ordinary, but catching up on recent Events of each others Life.We talked so much that we missed the Movie.
As we arrived at her House later,
She said, ‘I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.’
I agreed.
‘How was your Dinner Date?’ asked My Wife when I got Home.
‘Very Nice. Much more so than I could have Imagined,’ I answered.A few days later, my Mother died of a Massive Heart Attack.
It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have Time to do anything for her.
Some time later, I received an Envelope with a Copy of a Restaurant Receiptfrom the same place Mother and I had dined.
An Attached Note Said:
‘I paid this Bill in Advance.
I wasn’t sure that I could be there;
But nevertheless, I paid for Two Plates –
One for You and the Other for Your Wife.
You will never know what that Night meant for Me.
I Love You,
My Son.’At that moment, I understood the Importance of saying in Time:
‘I LOVE YOU!’and to give our Loved Ones the Time that they Deserve.
Nothing in Life is more important than God and your Family.
Give them the Time they Deserve, because these Things cannot be
Put Off till ‘Some Other Time.’Pass This Along To Everyone
With An Aging Parent,
To A Child,
To An Adult,
To Anyone With A Parent.
Image from dream designs
You know, I’m surprised that I never even thought to write my typical “end of the year” self-reflection, looking back on all the growth, talking about my new year goals, type of post.
That’s strange for me. I usually never forget to do that. In fact, just now when I remembered I didn’t write one, I was wondering if I should even make one at all.
And that, I think, has been the theme of this year.
There’s no doubt that it has been an eventful year, probably the most eventful I’ve had. Interestingly enough, though, my friend Grace pointed out that I say that every year. So the eventfulness didn’t define this past year.
It has been a year of growth. I’ve learned a lot. But there was no defining event that made me consider my direction in life and drastically change directions. So the growth didn’t define this past year.
I traveled a hell of a lot. More than any other year, maybe even more than every previous year combined. But all the travel eventually blurred together. It became consistent. The novelty wore off. So the travel didn’t define this past year.
I had the best year of trading I’ve ever had. In fact, the strategies I developed this past year will hopefully enable me to not have to work for “the man” again. But the trading was a result of years of work, research, and experimentation, so it’s not like I had a big eureka moment this year. So my trading didn’t define this past year.
And I think that lack of definition is the definition for my past year.
There has been no life changing event, no emotional or physical obstacle I’ve been working to overcome, no major losses or gains to mourn or celebrate. It has been a year of experiencing, doing, learning, seeing, growing. And that has been what this year has been about.
I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten through the demons of the past. I’ve had a string of good fortune and happy events in the past 4-6 months. I have no major complaints. For all means and purposes, life has been good to me. In the past, I may have lauded my own efforts to overcome major obstacles and achieve goals, but for some reason, I feel like the credit for this good fortune just doesn’t fall to me. I’m not sure who deserves it, really. It has been a combination of good company, fortunate events, and the outcome of careful planning. I’ve just been lucky, really, and I’m grateful for it.
I’m a lot more at peace, calm, now, and I’m hoping to take that into the next year and grow it. I have high hopes for the next year, professionally, socially, personally, etc, but I’m approaching it with a lot more humbleness, zen, and a focus on what’s important. I’ve had an incredible 2011, and if this was any other previous time in my life, I could write pages about how much I’ve learned and grown. For now, I’m just going to say I’m thankful for the way that things have turned out and that I look forward to the future.
Lesson 1 – Books and covers and such
You know, it has been more than a month since I left Italy, and closer to 2 since I said goodbye to most of the exchange crew. I took a lot from that exchange, hopefully a few friendships that will last, the experience of living in a new country, un po’ di Italiano, the knowledge of how awesome Oktoberfest and the Germans are, and maybe even a couple of life lessons, or perhaps, reminders, that I needed a refresher in.
The most important lesson is the exact same one we’re taught throughout our lives, and yet, as we get older, that lesson seems to fade as our human biases take shape. That lesson, of course, is to not make snap judgments about people before getting to know them. Or, as the cliché goes, don’t judge a book by its cover.
It’s interesting to look back now and see how things have turned out from that trip. I can tell you now that the people I really got close to weren’t the people that I expected to during my first week in Milan. Similarly, the people I thought I would get to know well became acquaintances more than close friends. Some people that I thought to be a certain way turned out to be completely different.
By this point in life, I should know better. In fact, we all should, and yet, too many times we don’t take the time to get to know people before making a judgment about who they are. My time at Bocconi gave me the shock to my system that I needed to not do this.
Some people are awesome, get to know them.
That actually leads me in to my second lesson: focus on the best relationships.
Lesson 2 – Prioritize who and what matter
During my working years, I had a few really good friends that I always used to hang out with. I loved them all, such good people for the most part. I had a blast hanging out with them. But I always had that yearning to get to know more people, and I was never really content that I didn’t know more.
Then I came to business school, and in my first year I tried to go out and meet as many people as I could. I got to know hundreds of different people, but I didn’t really get to know them. I knew their names and maybe a few tidbits gleaned from small talk. The more I did this, the more discontent I got. I didn’t want to have people that I just knew of. I wanted to know people – I wanted to have good friends.
Bocconi showed me the true power of focusing on developing close friendships. As I focused on a smaller group of more important people, I realized I was happier, more content. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that happiness, “popularity”, being part of the “cool crowd” doesn’t really mean anything if you don’t have a good group of friends that you surround yourself with. That’s truly what matters, and that’s what life is about. That’s one of the reasons I left Facebook.
In any case, I did take a lot out of my time in Italy. In fact, it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself – right up there with volunteering for the Red Cross, learning (or trying to learn) Spanish, and going to business school. I’m grateful to have picked up such valuable experiences and met great people.
Now it’s time to take those lessons and expand them forward.
Just a quick update here, since there’s not much to say. I got back to DC on Sunday and have pretty much been chilling at home the whole time (by choice). That’s not to say that I’ve been slacking and doing nothing, though (those of you that know me know that I get too antsy to keep that up for long).
In the past week I
- Did some more work for Intigril (wrote some articles, did some quantitative research, collaborated with my good friend, Alain, on trading strategies, and, of course, traded)
- Filled out my visa application for Pakistan and India
- Planned out part of my trip to Australia
- Started P90X (toughest workout program I’ve ever done)
- Bought the right food for P90X and started eating right (V8 juice + raw egg whites is so unbelievably gross, unfortunately it’s also super healthy)
- And started reading a lot of business building articles that my good friend Selena introduced to me
I like having down time, but not seeing anyone for the past week has been getting to me. This week I’m hoping to go out a bit more. In any case, I’ve been concentrating a lot more on setting myself up for life after graduation. Without a salary, I’m going to have to continue to support myself by trading. So far, so good, but it’s one of those things that can turn against you at any point, so you have to be ever vigilant.
That’s pretty much all for now.
Ciao
This was a video I took a couple of years ago in Barcelona. I thought it was pretty cool at the time, but nobody ever saw it on YouTube so I’m giving my friends a chance to check it out here. Let me know what you think:
I’m addicted.
Big parties. Small groups. Dinners. Card games. Video games. Sports. It doesn’t matter what the variation is.
But last night, I realized that I get a high off being around people.
Did you know that a simple activity like shopping can produce a similar reaction in your brain to that of getting high off a drug? In fact, activities that are completely unrelated to drugs – shopping, learning, meditating, dancing, and exercising, have been shown to provide the same neural reactions in the brain as drugs do, so it’s entirely possible that you can be high on life.
Yesterday I went out with a bunch of friends from Stern for the first time in months. As I was talking with old friends, meeting new people, and generally just enjoying the social scene, I realized I was incredibly happy. Blissful.
This was the same feeling I experienced hanging out with the exchange crew in Milan. Elation.
I realized that, even though I value relationships with specific people, I love being around others, in general. It’s a great feeling. Perhaps one of the reasons I love the city so much?
I got back to New York yesterday. As I was paying an exorbitantly large amount for the cab fare from JFK to my apartment downtown, I realized that it felt like I had never left. The past few months in Europe flew by. It was fun, but I’m glad to be back. The first stop last night was the Subway next to my apartment. This morning was Starbucks. Then, just now, Tacombi. Dinner tonight will be Yakitore, and then maybe a little LES tonight.
I’ll be in New York until Sunday morning, at which point, I’ll have to figure out how many bags to take back home to DC. Reason being, I’m going to Pakistan for a cousin’s wedding on December 21st, and then I’m flying back to DC for one night to celebrate New Year’s, and then off to Australia the very next day. It will be interesting figuring out what to take with me such that I minimize the number of suitcases I carry while still taking everything I need for all of these different environments.
I’m looking forward to getting a real phone when I go back to DC. I’ve had an iPhone 3GS for 20 months now, 4 of which the backlight has been broken. I even ordered a Samsung Galaxy S2 in Europe, but of course, the Italians weren’t able to deliver it, even within 2 months. I’m due for an upgrade on December 10 – it’ll be nice to have a normal phone with me again.
That’s all for now. Ciao Ciao Ciao.
Image from Susan NYC
An email from a friend got me thinking about who I am – my personality, character traits, where I’ve gone in life. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the reflection in this proverbial mirror is quite different than what I would have expected to see only a few years ago.
One of the things that I’m most proud about is that people tend to perceive me as being very even keel, calm, with a certain determination and willpower that make me driven.
Do you know how sometimes you can still see yourself as the same person you were 5 or 10 years ago? Well, for me, being called calm and even keel is exactly the opposite of who I used to be.
My family is hot-blooded, emotional, and I’m no exception. I was (at some point, maybe as long ago as when I was a kid or teenager), volatile. I’ve always been passionate, and I hope that that hasn’t changed, but beyond that passion, I couldn’t control my outbursts. I didn’t know how to express myself without getting overly emotional. Maybe that was due to a lack of experience or even a lack of happiness, but whatever it was, it was not calmness.
That was one of the things I tried very hard to change. Very little good can come from being so up and down. It’s hard to be productive, it’s hard to maintain positive relationships. It’s just unhealthy, so I forced myself to change that characteristic in me.
I’m not sure how I did it, exactly. A lot of it just came from being a better observer of people. I used to think that actions were all telling and intentions didn’t matter at all. Though it’s true that I still think that what a person does is far more important than what he or she says, I slowly began to realize that there is a method and a certain logic to the way people behave. There are incentive structures, emotional prompts and responses, and logical reactions to situational stimuli.
When I started to understand why and how people reacted to different things, I slowly realized that there was indeed a method to all the madness, and when I realized that, I started to chill out a bit. I think one of my biggest problems is that I hate not understanding the reasoning behind something. Whether it’s the way a device works or the way someone acts, I can’t stand not knowing why, and that not knowing used to cause me an incredible amount of frustration that I didn’t know how to deal with.
But things change. After going through a few major, life-shaping experiences, getting a bit more educated, making more friends and being more social, and just experiencing more of what this unbelievably diverse and grandiose world has to offer, I started to get it.
So it makes me extremely happy, and a bit proud, to hear people say that my calmness and drive inspires them. It just goes to show that you can do anything you set your mind to. I truly believe that you can teach yourself to do anything simply through rote repetition. If you do something enough, it will become second nature. The hard part is having the discipline to continue doing it until you’ve mastered it.
I still tend to think of myself as that shy, nerdy kid with no self-confidence and very few friends that didn’t have any idea what was happening around him. It’s always nice to hear when other people have a different opinion (at least the good stuff, I know there’s a lot of bad stuff that I can still improve).
I’m also pretty amazed at how much I like New York. I had visited a few times on various occasions before Stern and I was never a fan. The huge buildings, lack of sunlight, and overwhelming hustle of it all was not my thing. Of course, I had visited the typical tourist sites and the financial district. New York is much more than that. In fact, its best asset is its residents. The people that live in New York are unlike the people anywhere else in the world. They’re all different, with different races, languages, backgrounds, cultures, and perceptions. But there’s one thing that they have in common, and that thing is the unfaltering drive to be better than what they are.
People in New York are ambitious. They’re talented. They’re smart. They’re the farthest thing from being complacent. They know life and how to live it.
The amount of energy and motivation I have when I even think about it is enormous. I’m not usually one to align myself with any sort of larger group – religious, cultural, geographic, belief-based, what have you, but when I think of myself as a “New Yorker” I feel a bit of pride and energy that I never did before. I think that’s a positive trend in my larger life, too. I have more motivation, energy, knowledge, and inspiration now to succeed than I ever did before.
I have a long way to go in life, but looking back and seeing how far I’ve come is not only reassuring, but motivating as well. There are a lot of goals I need to reach before I’ll be satisfied (not to be confused with happy or content), and I need to make sure that the pendulum doesn’t swing too far to the other end and I lose all emotion and passion, but I feel much better about where I am now, as a starting point for the future, than I have at any other point in my life.
And I want to make sure this isn’t all about “me, myself, and I.” Without the help of others, I would be nowhere close to where I am now. Most importantly, I have my parents and one or two extremely close friends (you know who you are) to thank for getting me through it all.
So, as the intro for SBTB: The College Years put it, “I’m standing at the edge of tomorrow, from here, the future looks bright for me.” And yes, that show (maybe not the college years version, but the rest) is still extremely relevant.
Looking back on Poland
After my last post, where I told you about the amazing salt mines near Krakow, I left off by saying that I’d be heading to Warsaw and Poland next. Since that time, Gowri, Oat, Caroline, and I were able to head to Warsaw and saw its reconstructed old town square – a UNESCO World Heritage site. It was very cool to see.
Overall, Poland was a pretty interesting place. We ate very well. In fact, I ate much better in Poland then I did in Milan. And the portions were huge. Probably bigger than what you get in the States. We spent most of our time in Krakow, and only a night in Warsaw, which was what every single guide and site on the Internet told us to do. In retrospect, though, I wish we had done it the other way around.
From what I was able to see in Warsaw, things were a lot more lively, and it just had a better vibe. There were more young people, lights decorated every street, people were out, about, and more attractive, there was more culture, more things to see. I wish I had more time there.
Be careful what advice you take
Interestingly enough, I felt the same way about my trip to Morocco. All of the guides suggested going to Fes, possibly Marrakech, and avoiding Casablanca, which we did. Strangely enough, though, I liked Casablanca a lot, and wish I had spent more time there and slightly less time in Fes and Marrakech (on the other hand, the desert tour was awesome, and I wouldn’t have changed that at all).
It’s interesting to note that both cities that others have suggested staying away from had the feel of more modern, 21st century cities, whereas the cities that others suggested visiting all had more of an old world feel to them. I wonder if I’ve just gotten so jaded by all my travels that I don’t appreciate historical value, anymore, or if I just really like being in a modern city. In any case, just keep this in mind if you ever decide to visit Morocco or Poland.
After leaving the freezing cold temperatures of Poland, Oat, Gowri, and I flew to the temperate climate of Rome, while Caroline flew back home for Thanksgiving and a high school reunion. It’s too bad, too. She got us through Poland, she was a blast to hang out with, and, not least of all, she was our 4th for spades.
The eternal city (Rome)
I must say, I wish Bocconi were situated in Rome, instead of Milan. The weather here is really nice, it just feels like there’s more to do here, and there are more Americans around, which, after four or five months of living without, becomes a very nice thing to have.
When we got in, Oat, Gowri, and I checked out Trevi Fountain and the Pantheon. The last time I was here, I don’t think I went to see the fountain, so that was a nice sight. Today, we met up with Anthony (another friend from Stern who happened to be in Rome), and took a tour of the Colosseum and the Emperor’s Palace. The tour was great, and both of our guides were awesome. The first one had an amazing ability to tell a story such that you could visualize yourself in its settings.
The Colosseum was truly impressive, and I was surprised to learn just how advanced the Romans were in their mechanical engineering capabilities. After the tours, we went to see the Spanish Steps and the Pantheon (this time, from the inside). After an unsatisfyingly small (but tasty) dinner, we went to a small pizzeria, where Oat got a second meal, and the rest of us played spades once again, followed by a card game called golf, which Gowri taught us how to play. Once again, I was completely satisfied sitting there, trying to figure out which card to play (in my defense, spades is an awesome game).
Tomorrow, we’ll all head over to the Vatican to see some of the great sights that they have there. Right now, I should probably try to get some work done.
Before I sign off, though, I have to say how nice it has been to be able to hang out with some of my true Stern friends on this trip. The Bocconi exchange crew was awesome, but we didn’t have the same amount of time to bond as the Stern crew. Hanging out with them brings a certain level of comfort that I haven’t had on this exchange (which is good, considering I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone to see how I’d react). It makes me want to get back to New York even more.
Until then, though, ciao Ciao ciao.