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You know, I’m surprised that I never even thought to write my typical “end of the year” self-reflection, looking back on all the growth, talking about my new year goals, type of post.
That’s strange for me. I usually never forget to do that. In fact, just now when I remembered I didn’t write one, I was wondering if I should even make one at all.
And that, I think, has been the theme of this year.
There’s no doubt that it has been an eventful year, probably the most eventful I’ve had. Interestingly enough, though, my friend Grace pointed out that I say that every year. So the eventfulness didn’t define this past year.
It has been a year of growth. I’ve learned a lot. But there was no defining event that made me consider my direction in life and drastically change directions. So the growth didn’t define this past year.
I traveled a hell of a lot. More than any other year, maybe even more than every previous year combined. But all the travel eventually blurred together. It became consistent. The novelty wore off. So the travel didn’t define this past year.
I had the best year of trading I’ve ever had. In fact, the strategies I developed this past year will hopefully enable me to not have to work for “the man” again. But the trading was a result of years of work, research, and experimentation, so it’s not like I had a big eureka moment this year. So my trading didn’t define this past year.
And I think that lack of definition is the definition for my past year.
There has been no life changing event, no emotional or physical obstacle I’ve been working to overcome, no major losses or gains to mourn or celebrate. It has been a year of experiencing, doing, learning, seeing, growing. And that has been what this year has been about.
I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten through the demons of the past. I’ve had a string of good fortune and happy events in the past 4-6 months. I have no major complaints. For all means and purposes, life has been good to me. In the past, I may have lauded my own efforts to overcome major obstacles and achieve goals, but for some reason, I feel like the credit for this good fortune just doesn’t fall to me. I’m not sure who deserves it, really. It has been a combination of good company, fortunate events, and the outcome of careful planning. I’ve just been lucky, really, and I’m grateful for it.
I’m a lot more at peace, calm, now, and I’m hoping to take that into the next year and grow it. I have high hopes for the next year, professionally, socially, personally, etc, but I’m approaching it with a lot more humbleness, zen, and a focus on what’s important. I’ve had an incredible 2011, and if this was any other previous time in my life, I could write pages about how much I’ve learned and grown. For now, I’m just going to say I’m thankful for the way that things have turned out and that I look forward to the future.
Today was my last exam of the third semester, which means that, not only am I done with the “official” part of my exchange, but I’m also done with my third semester of business school.
Wow.
I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it really does feel like just a short while ago that I had even decided to go to business school. I can’t believe that I’m already more than halfway done with it.
My exchange program, though officially over, is still in play, practically speaking. I have my apartment in Italy until December, and I’ll be sticking around here and traveling until I go back to the States (or possibly Australia). But, for all means and purposes, the exchange as I knew it is over.
People have already started planning their departures, and many of them are actually leaving tomorrow. We’re all going our own ways now, and it’s very unlikely that I’ll see many of these people again. This is a major shame. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the social environment that I had here led to a lot of bonding, and I do feel like I’ve made extremely close friends here, perhaps moreso than even Stern. It’s not that the people here are any different than those at Stern, it’s just that the environment and the way that we’ve all been thrown together is very conducive to us learning about each other very quickly.
In fact, I’m going to miss it, a lot. When I get back to New York, I know that I’m going to have this void that arises from not seeing everyone I’ve come to know very closely, every day, for hours on end. In New York, it’s much harder to really get to know people – you may see them once every few weeks, and when you do, it’s highly unlikely that you spend more than a few hours with them.
It’s interesting, because, I used to be the guy that had a very close, set group of friends with whom I’d always hang out and spend time. When that was my main social outlet, I always wanted to be the one with hundreds of friends and a huge social circle. When I got to business school, and (to a certain extent) got that, I realized that it wasn’t as glamorous as it appeared to be. Having a ton of friends precluded me from being able to have many close friends, the ones that mattered, and there was more than one occasion when I found myself at home without anyone to call to go out or kill a few hours with. I actually ended up wanting to get back my small group of close friends. Funny how the grass is always greener eh? Having all this in Milan was what made life here so much fun. In fact, part of me thinks that, as much as I love New York, it might just be worth going back to DC solely because of this… though I can’t say I’m quite ready for that just yet.
Interestingly enough, a lot of this has to do with why I deactivated my Facebook account. People tend to gasp and look shocked when I tell them that I’ve done this, but for me, it makes complete sense. The problem with Facebook is that you’re forced to look at the highlights of other people’s lives, and you start thinking that you aren’t doing enough to have fun or live your own life. You don’t see the daily, mundane tasks. On top of that, I’m pretty sure humans weren’t meant to keep in touch with the thousands of people that they meet throughout the course of their lives. Evolutionarily speaking, we work well in small “tribes” or “bands”, and we’ve evolved to optimize life with a small group of close contacts. Knowing what someone did this past weekend when I’ve only talked to that person once, 8 years ago, is completely irrelevant to me, but having to see it in front of me brings me into his world and forces me to make it part of my life. I can’t say with certainty, but I’m quite sure that this is unnatural for humans.
In getting off Facebook, I wanted to force myself to start focusing on people that really matter to me, and conversely, on people to whom I matter. Instead of clicking “Like” on some random post, I wanted to force myself to stay in touch with the people that have always been there for me. And I have been. I’ve been much better about staying in touch with the closest people in my life. I’ve been more focused on work. I enjoy actually socializing with people in person without worrying about having to take pictures to record the experience. I actually talk to more people, connect with more people, and live more of a real life. In all honesty, I don’t miss it that much, and I’ve been able to have a lot more clarity and focus without it. But again, it all stems back to me wanting to get back to a life where I have a close group of friends/family around me more often.
So it all comes around. When I leave Milan, I’m going to put more effort into making my relationships with people closer. There are so many awesome people in New York, and I’m looking forward to really getting to know some of them and having a group of people that I can rely on. I did a bad job of that during my first year in the city, and it’s true that the city itself isn’t conducive to that, but that won’t stop me from trying and making it a priority in my life.
Until then, it’s time to enjoy the rest of this crazy continent.
Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/garrettcoyte/5918824829/sizes/l/in/photostream/
I live in Italy. At least, for now. For those of you that didn’t know, I moved to Milan from New York on August 26, 2011. On another day, I may discuss the “whats” and the “whys” of that decision, but today I want to talk about what life has been like since I moved here.
Just as with any big move, there have been a lot of minor inconveniences – figuring out how to move my stuff, finding a new apartment, getting to know the transportation systems. Everyone has to go through those things at some point in their lives, even if it’s only when they move into their freshman year dorm room in college. For me, what’s more interesting are the differences and adjustments I’ve had to make due to cultural differences, as well as noting that there are some things that never change, regardless of who or where you are in the world.
What’s different
After four weeks, I’ve gotten into a routine, more or less. But it has been far from easy. Everything from doing laundry to finding places to eat to getting around has been a challenge.
It’s hot here, very hot. And yet, air conditioning seems to be a blood enemy of the Italians – even the school doesn’t believe in using it. The idea of getting things done during lunch is non-existant, most places close for three hours in the middle of the day (and then close early at night).
I have a washer for my clothes, but it doesn’t automatically drain water after a cycle. Problem? Oh yes. If I forget to press a special button that drains the water, I end up with all that water on my apartment floor. Not having a dryer means that this is the first time in my life I’ve used a drying rack. Did you know that clothes come out as stiff as cardboard without a proper dryer and fabric softener?
I swear that the mosquitos here have been genetically altered to be twice as big and a hundred times more aggressive. My first night in the apartment, I got bitten at least 25 times. No AC and no fan meant leaving the windows open, which meant that these mutant creatures found me.
I eat a lot of cheese, and pizzas, but surprisingly enough, the best pizza I’ve had so far was in Nice, France.
Daily 8:30 AM classes means that there’s no time for the gym.
Some people speak English. I’m starting to improve my Italian – I still can’t hold a conversation for more than five minutes, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.
I now use pre-paid SIM cards and pay twice as much for electronics. I’ve used more coins in the past month than any point in my life (even when I had to use coins to do my laundry, back in college). My options trading has had to take a back seat. Things are expensive.
At least once a day I find something new to point at and say “why’d they do it like that, it doesn’t make sense?”
But some things remain the same
With all that said, I’ve confirmed that people are pretty much the same across the world. MBA students are still super outgoing and a ton of fun. They still like to go out partying and are brilliant at coming up with great looking Powerpoint presentations that convey nearly no new information. Strangers can still be helpful, waiters can still be rude. People love to talk. I still have precisely zero minutes of down time.
On top of that, I’m kind of excited with my living situation, since this is the first time I’ve lived by myself. Up until now, I’ve always had a roommate or lived with family. I’m a pretty socially-focused person, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle being on my own, but after trying it, I kind of like it – though it’s probably because I’m usually out of my apartment and only come back to sleep. Having a place to myself definitely has its benefits.
Speaking of which, I must say, I do like my place here. For one person, it’s not bad. It’s a 1 bedroom with a small kitchen, balcony, and bathroom (the picture to the left is of my room). It’s not the condo that I had in Arlington, but it’s definitely doable.
The most important thing in anything, including this experience, is what you make of it. I’ve always told myself that, even in a new or uncomfortable situation, I’m going to make the most of my time. Living in Milan has been a really interesting experience so far. From what I said earlier, you may be getting the impression that I don’t like it here. That’s actually quite the opposite.
The point
Don’t get me wrong, I love New York, and, for the foreseeable future, will consider that my permanent home (I go back in December or January), but I’m having a blast here. 99% of that is because of the people that I’m here with – the other exchange students from around the world are a blast. In some senses, it’s easier to be really good friends with them than with many of the people back at home. There are only 30 or so of us, and out of that number, maybe only 15 of us really make an effort to get to know each other. With such a small group of foreigners that are all being forced to acclimate to a new culture simultaneously, it’s almost inevitable that some good friendships get formed. For me, that’s all that matters. I can honestly say that I’ll miss them all when they leave, and I’m not looking forward to the day when some of my closer friends start leaving Milan. I realized a long time ago that the location doesn’t make the experience, the people do.
Despite all of the hassles, I now know that I can survive in a brand new culture where I don’t know the language, the customs, and very few people. On top of that, I’ve eliminated one of the four or five major regrets of my life – never having lived abroad. If you know me well, you’ll know that I hate regrets and that I push myself off to see new things, incur new experiences, meet new people. To me, that’s the only way to know what the world is truly about. I’m extremely glad that I did that here.
Image from katerha (Flickr)
As a kid, I was an avid reader. I remember that one of my favorite series was called Three Investigators, and it dealt with three guys that went around solving seemingly paranormal mysteries. I suppose it was a combination of Scooby Doo and The Hardy Boys. It was a pretty entertaining series. I actually didn’t even remember the name until one of the names of the detectives suddenly popped into my head just now (Jupiter Jones… how the heck did I remember that). I enjoyed that series. I also liked reading The AI Gang series, which dealt with a bunch of rambunctious-yet-freakishly-smart kids whose parents were all recruited to a secret island to build a self-aware computer. That was probably my favorite series. It engrossed me. Bruce Coville actually captured my imagination, as he was the author of that series as well as the great “My Teacher Is An Alien” series. I loved reading, and as a kid, I especially enjoyed reading these series.
In fact, just thinking about them now makes me want to go back and re-read them. Though, I suspect I’ll enjoy them slightly less now that I’m 20 years older.
In any case, as time went by and I placed more and more artificially-important obligations on myself, I lost touch with the literary world. The closest I’d get would be reading required novels for my English classes. You know, looking back now, English was one of the best subjects they could have forced us to take as kids. Learning how to properly communicate and interpret ideas through the written and spoken word is arguably the most useful skill to have as an adult.
But I digress. The point is, I stopped reading, and I probably shouldn’t have. As I grew up, I started regarding reading as an unnecessary pastime, something that wouldn’t help me achieve my goals and only used up the precious little free time I had. I kept up that attitude until just recently.
I don’t know what triggered the change, but I’ve recently started considering reading as a valuable way to get knowledge. Of course, I’m not talking about the purely fictional novels that used to engross me so much, rather, I’m talking about all of the semi-fiction, non-fiction, topical, and stylized books out there that can provide special insight and information.
I just read a copy of Tony Hsieh’s “Delivering Happiness.” I have to say, this is a great book and everyone should read it. Tony Hsieh is the CEO of Zappos.com (and he also founded, and eventually sold, LinkExchange.com). He’s extremely accomplished, and unbelievably motivated and ambitious (not to mention brilliant). In his book, he talks about the journey that he took from low-level software engineer to highly successful, twice-accomplished entrepreneur.
One of the reasons I found this book so useful was because it helped me see how determined and passionate an entrepreneur needs to be. But beyond that, I thought that Tony Hsieh and I had a lot of opinions in common – particularly, opinions on management, business focus, how to run a venture, and life. Towards the end of the book, he analyzes why people have the goals they have, and he comes to the conclusion that I came to a while ago: everything we do is ultimately for the sake of increasing our level of happiness.
Ultimately, all of the goals we have, and everything we do, we do because we think that we will ultimately become happier from our efforts. He realizes that the ultimate end-goal of life is to achieve happiness. I’m glad to see that written in print by someone else.
I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and introspecting in the past and I ultimately came to the same conclusion. Ask yourself what your immediate goals are. Then ask yourself why. Then once you get the answer to that, ask yourself why you want to achieve that. Then once you know the answer, again, ask yourself why you want to achieve that.
If you do this enough times, you’ll eventually realize that everything you’re doing is so that you can be happy in life. When I realized that, I started to rethink everything that had been a priority to me. Why was I working to make money? Why was I studying at the expense of spending time with friends? Why was I stuck at a job instead of taking a risk and jumping into a startup?
When I started to really take a look at my life, I realized that I wasn’t really going after the things that, deep down inside, I knew would make me happy in the long run. When I realized that, I knew I had to change my approach. Suddenly, I stopped caring about fancy cars, and high-pay low-satisfaction jobs, and all the other material things. I knew that relationships and experiences made me happy, truly happy, and I started focusing on those things.
I’m still trying to expand my horizons through novel experiences, and I can definitely work to improve my relationships, but now that I truly understand this concept, I feel liberated. It helps me shrug off bad grades, superficial wants and desires, “corporate America,” and other things that don’t matter.
Like I said, I’d recommend this book to everyone, not just aspiring entrepreneurs. If nothing else, it’s a first-hand account of what it takes to be successful. In the midst of it, you get to be entertained, read a great story, and hopefully find out a bit more about what you truly value.
If anyone has any similar valuable book suggestions out there, I’d love to hear them. After all, I’m a re-born reader.